Yeah, Right.

Ah, yes. Last time you heard from me, things were about to be resolved.

Hah. I live in a dreamers world.

It was great, for about half an hour. I was uncomfortable, so we left the room so I could do my homework. But while in the other room, it's like nothing has changed.

Now, I want to be clear. I'm not mad, though it may sound like it. I'm just annoyed.

She complains about me talking about things she hasn't gotten to do, but she can easily turn around and do it to me without a thought.

She complains about not having time to hang out with everyone, but when it comes to drinking with them, she has all these days that will work perfectly.

It just seems all pointless to me, if she has all these reservations about me doing something, but she has free reign because SHE is the one who's been wronged.

You know what?

I'm done.

For real this time.

This Is It

So, to anyone who has been following this circus, things have progressively gone from bad to worse. I'm about done with it, but at this point, I'm kinda not allowed to be due to one thing:

If I'm done, they're done.

And for his sake, and his only, I'm giving it one last try.

I like her, I really do. But she needs to grow up a little. And if this doesn't work, than I'm not going to continue with this pathetic banter back and forth. I can't live with it. I am who I am, and it's not going to change.

Tonight is meeting night; the four of us are going to have a talk. Though it was her idea to have all four of us there, I hope that she doesn't feel we're ganging up on her, because we all believe (for the most part) that she is in the wrong with this whole thing.

I'm going to say my piece, and try to understand what she is upset about. But if it goes nowhere, and she keeps bringing up the past without trying to move forward, then I have to be done.

I can only take so much, and I'm at my emotional breaking point, as much as I hate to admit it.

I suppose I'll update after the dust settles.

Wish me luck.

Come on!

Can't I get a break? I'm told repeatedly not to go over to my boyfriends house when SHE is there, so I ask him, "It's safe for me to come over any time, right?"

Safe meaning no crazy girl around.

Apparently, he didn't get it. -.-

I walk in the door, say hello, and I notice her boyfriends almost panicked face. GREAT.

Now I'm upstairs, about to actually RUN OUT of homework because I'm so not welcome downstairs, and its awkward as hell.

And to top it off, she's probably staying for pizza night as well.

So, basically, we're all going to plaster fake smiles on our faces, talk about nothing, pretend it's not as awkward as it's going to be, and run off to different rooms if we ever get the chance.

I almost want to leave.

But I'm not going to. I'm not going to let her insecurities about me existing and their parents getting to know me more than they're going to get to know here (or some other such dribble) ruin my life.

I'm not going to let her win (whatever that is).

I'm not leaving.

...

But I'm still not going downstairs.

...Fuck.

Ugh..

Well, though I thought everything would be okay, because I was told that she was "now okay with it."

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong!

I'm getting sick and tired of this. I would be alright, if she hadn't been pissed for like three months, allthewhile pretending everything is okay. I would be alright, if she would stop complaining about it to her boyfriend. I would be alright, if she just bloody talked to me about it.

But nooo. That's far too rational. So while she sits, and broods, and gets madder and madder because her mind is coming up with worse, out of proportion, untrue things (because girls minds do that), I'm sitting here, unable to do anything, because I don't know anything.

Which brings me to my other point. I don't know anything. Does this seem wrong to you?

See it yet?

No?

This whole damned thing is about me, and yet I am the last one to know anything. Apparently she does know about me knowing. What? When was I supposed to find out about this? After they're broken up and everything is unfixable? And what then? I do like her, she is (was? May still be, under all the crazy...), a nice girl, and I would like them to stay together. If she doesn't know that I know, and I confront her about it, then there's even less chance of them getting back together. If she does know I know, what if I just make it worse? Though, I'd be hard pressed to. Just breathing the air here probably annoys her.

That was a little uncalled for. And a little exaggerated. But you have to understand that I'm frustrated.

Anyway.

That's kind of where my head is right now. I'm confused, mad, upset, a little depressed and I really don't know where to go with this.

*sigh*

I guess I'll go do my homework now.

Same Old...

I know this is only for my own sake, but a diary entry just doesn't tempt me right now. Maybe because I've been doing too many notes for my college course, but whatever the reason, I came here. Maybe because I feel anonymous, and nobody I know would ever really look for this. Even though it would be terribly simple to find. Maybe I just like typing. Yeah, that might play a part in this. Anyway..

We left off with an airport meeting. It didn't happen due to my sticky teachers, but however it happened, me and this amazing guy are back together. I moved to his town, I'm going to school. I even have a job I really like. All good things must come to an end.

Someone whom I thought I was really close with seems to resent my being here. And until recently, she didn't want to talk to me about it at all. So what at first seemed an easy to fix, understandable problem has grown and expanded into a giant clusterfuck of what the hell. It doesn't even make that much sense! Sometimes, I hate my gender. This girl plays an important part in everyones lives because she is my boyfriend's brother's girl, and we're pretty much supposed to be sisters. Hell, I thought we were. I guess not, now that things have changed. The way I see it, now that I'm here, and able to see my love, and visit with his parents and bond with his brothers, she isn't getting the center attention. And that bothers her to the point of being incredibly mad. It's so ridiculous that, when her boyfriend told her she was overreacting and didn't side with her, she got incredibly mad at him. So there's this giant circle of misguided anger, and nobody has any idea how to fix it. Probably because she doesn't seem to want to fix it. It really has nothing to do with me, it is her perception of what's been going on, and what she thinks is happening. She's twisting words into what she doesn't want to hear, simply because (I think) she wants to be mad. I've been there before, but that doesn't make it right. Hell, I'm not even supposed to know about this at all, which I think is the saddest part. It makes me wonder how long she's been putting on this good face, and secretly hating me for it. Any times we hung out and had fun, was she pretending? Does she think other things we did together, I did because she was doing it, and I "wanted to one up her"? Even though none of this is my fault, I can't help but be sad, and upset about it.

Tomorrow evening or Monday I'll see her, and all this shit will actually hit the fan. Boy, can I not wait.